sophea

Amidst of this cold weather, I would rather sip my coffee under the ladder, There, I would see the future I'll dive into the wildest thoughts Questioning self of all that's in mind Justifying the hows and whys Concluding the pieces of puzzle I'm in I would cave into the root and expect to see it all From the tiniest to the finest Drench between reality insides the fantasy This heart of mine finally draws it sign but in all honesty, he does seem alive albeit the dying he feels inside.

The worst kind of feeling is when my world stops but the rest of the world continues. Talk less, show less. You don't have to explain yourself every single time. Life is life, then live one.

I write when I don'f feel right. I write to comfort the anxiety inside me. I find this what works best for me, in which I find peace and tranquility. Often, my words are an explanatory of my feelings, or at least a scene behind the unseen. Yet, the heart of mine is a very complex cloth of blood that mercilessly tickles me every now and then. I especially write when I feel sad or upset. Breathe. Vague. Is your heart joking around mine, mate?

I have probably foreseen the future yet I decided to take the risk, once again. I myself do not know what would stop me, or even pause me. How am I able to bear such feeling and anxiety throughout these years. How I able to firmly stuck in this vicious cycle over and over again.  Will it be a day where I manage to break the wall and run through ?  Maybe not . Say heart for a thousand times. 

For the heart is yearning and longing what it needed most, day to day. Funny how a person or a thing brings so much impact on a person and situation. she shines because the existence of the Sun, but tears come down because the emptiness of others. We, human, are the weakest of all yet so strong than other creations. It was all butterflies now and then.

Mungkin Tuhan menghadirkan untuk akhirnya menjauhkan, Segala perasaan yang dibenih dibina akhirnya dicampak sejauh lautan. Bagaimana insan mampu memahami takdir setiap ciptaan Menyelusuri jalan yang disajikan duri keperitan Dihanyutkan ombak kebahagian,  Dan akhirnya ditarik satu persatu senyuman melalui pusar yang maha dahsyatnya. Dan sekali lagi, Tuhan mentaqiqkan kewujudanNya dengan hamparan ujian Insan mengesot ke tepian Meminta minta kasihnya Tuhan dalam deraian air mata yang tiada pengakhiran Kata orang, ujian itu untuk menguatkan dan bukan untuk menyakitkan. Sini, biar saja insan membakar tubuh didalam relung api yang merebak Memakan sesiapa sahaja yang dilingkungan dengan amarah merah Penuh darah dan akhirnya menjadi nanah yang memamah kulit manusia dari lapis ke lapis dan terus diletakkan ke dalam tanah Tika itu,  perhitungannya antara insan dan Tuhan dan bukan lagi engkau, hey manusia yang tak berperikemanusiaan.

Di tengah dingin malam, Di akhir sujud, Lama menyembah bumi, Dekat dengan Tuhan Aman dan damai. Dalam gelap hitam, Berteleku penuh pengharapan, Tangisan dan keperitan, Terluah tanpa penahanan. Tuhan, padaMu jualah ketenangan. Kepala yang ligat memikirkan, Pengetahuan yang terbatas, Rasa yang tak pernah terpadam, Engkau Maha Tahu. Tuhan, Hikmah dibalik kejadian, Keterangan pada kesuraman, Cahaya pada pengakhiran, Sunyi dan sepi kehidupan, PadaMu dina meluahkan. Ampunkan debu dosa yang melilit, Ampunkan amal yang hangus terbakar, Ampunkan lidah yang tajam berkata. Terima kasih Tuhan, atas sehari lagi kehidupan.